At Tomorrow Funerals we feel lucky to have had Funeral Celebrant / Memorial Manager, Bec Sexton working in the head office since the middle of 2023.
Over the phone, Bec’s gentle, warm voice has often welcomed new clients. She also handles much of the administration and paperwork that is so important to the process.
As a Melbourne Funeral Celebrant and Memorial Manager, Bec Sexton brings her compassion, sensitivity, practical experience and an understated eloquence to the task.
We were honoured to hear more about what inspired Bec to find work in the funeral indusrty.
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What is your role at Tomorrow Funerals?
I am a Celebrant and Memorial Manager. This means I am responsible for everything we offer in our package. Starting from the first call, bringing someone into our care, organising the cremation and all the administrative elements related to a death. I then work with families to co-create a bespoke memorial which includes making a personalised tribute video and hard cover book, writing and delivering the ceremony and supporting the family throughout the entire process. It’s a very hands on, holistic role that I believe offers families a great sense of continuity and care.
How & why did you become a Funeral Celebrant/Memorial Manager?
At the beginning of the Covid pandemic in 2020, I experienced a period of stand down as a result of the travel industry coming to a halt. I remember almost feeling grateful for the pause though, as it felt like I had been working 14 hour days for 14 years straight! This meant I never really afforded myself the time to step out of this world and think deeply about what truly meant something to me and how I could be contributing beyond this.
During the latter part of my travel career, I experienced the death of my Mum at a fairly young age. She was diagnosed with early onset Dementia in her early 60’s and succumbed to the illness just some 5 years later. During that time, although very difficult and incredibly heartbreaking, I would frequently have an interaction with someone or a beautiful moment with Mum and think to myself – I feel like I could be here in this space helping to support people going through this in some sort of way.
So I embarked on an exploration of how I could do just that. With the luxury of all this newfound time, I engaged with various death workers, completed a life-changing course in ceremony as well as deathwalker training (a term I never even knew existed until some research into the subject matter). I also participated in some volunteer work with a couple of organisations, one of which was in a Palliative Care unit. It became clear that I had uncovered an affinity to be around death and people towards the end of their life.
Perhaps we are all marked by our own experience of loss in some way and the extent to which I was able to reconcile my own feelings and experience of death, for me, meant I felt very drawn to be there and of service to other people on that part of their journey.
What do you think makes a great Celebrant/Memorial Manager?
I believe a great Celebrant/Memorial Manager is someone who is kind, present and highly intuitive. They have an ability to really listen and provide a safe, non-judgemental space for families to open up about their person and draw out their unique qualities. A sense of humanity and neutrality is really important, as death and grief can bring many things that may not always be sadness. Quite often there can be anger, resentment and ambiguity when someone dies and having a deep respect for that is fundamental.
I strongly believe the ceremony is never about the Celebrant. In many ways they work behind the scenes to help the family bring their person’s story and attributes alive, one last time. They then act as the subtle, almost invisible connection between the story and the audience on the day of the ceremony.
What special skills do you have that make you a good fit for working in the death space?
I am a fairly grounded person who is very self reflective and I value strong and meaningful connections. I find people’s stories endlessly fascinating and could genuinely listen to people and their stories all day long. I have also had a fascination with goodbyes and life’s transitions from quite a young age. I experienced and witnessed a lot of change and adversity growing up. I actually came across my year 12 final essay the other day which was a series of episodes where I was grappling with a goodbye. Whether to say goodbye, an unwanted goodbye and when a goodbye simply wasn’t possible. So I guess writing, reflecting and articulating are some important skills and beyond all of that, I am a genuine, hard-working, kind and open-minded person.
Tell us a little bit about your career background.
My career before this role had largely been bringing artists into Australia and coordinating all the travel and logistics required for them to tour. This was often a very meticulous and demanding role, however, to me it was mostly a very relationship driven role. You simply could not pull any of it off without having genuine and trusting relationships with both the clients and suppliers who you worked with to pull it together. It meant something to be part of the many people who were bringing these moments of joy (and often nostalgia) to people’s lives. I remember taking Mum to a Dolly Parton concert with advancing Dementia and she ‘came to’ for just a few moments and sang the entire chorus of “I will always love you” in my ear. It was a moment I will never forget. The skills from this career have been immensely transferable and invaluable to this role, especially the memorial manager aspect.
What are your thoughts about the funeral industry in general?
I think largely, the industry is not reflecting the diverse values we have in our society. People frequently tell me they don’t want a funeral, it’s too morbid and I get it! Because most of the funerals I have been to have definitely had that undertone and have often made me feel empty and at even more of a loss than I was previously!
I can vividly remember planning my Mum’s funeral. We sat in a cold, relatively empty room with someone who was pleasant but not overly warm and everything just felt incredibly sterile. It felt like we had been transported to another planet where suddenly we were spending time on decisions that just felt immaterial – coffins, coffin handles, flowers (a limited array from a very uninspiring catalogue), it was all very surreal. I guess we just had no idea there were any other options, not to mention we were all grief stricken and had little to no bandwidth to explore anything more at that point.
At Tomorrow Funerals, we concentrate on creating ‘dignified cremations & remarkable memorials’ in one simple package. What do you think of this model?
I think simple, transparent and less choice around things that really are immaterial is really refreshing. More time spent with families learning about their person and the best way to honour them is definitely the most important element of a funeral to me.
What do you like about working with Tomorrow?
I have never had a job where I have found such a deep sense of purpose. There is also a shared sense of purpose with everyone I work with in this role. I have a huge affinity and great respect for Kate, our Head of Memorials. She has been a phenomenal role model and mentor to me. I also absolutely love the staff in our mortuary facility, they are gentle, kind and very caring. People often ask how and why I would want to do this work and I believe it’s because of this shared sense of purpose. I have also recognised that when I am up close with death and dying, for me, it also inspires thoughts and conversations about life and living. It is a great privilege to be able to accompany people going through this very vulnerable, and often very new, experience of death.
What’s one thing you wish every family knew when it comes to planning a funeral?
That you can be as creative in death and your final goodbye as you are in life. There is no rule book. You don’t have to do what has always been done, simply because it’s always been done that way. You have options and you also have time, there is not the rush we often think there is.
How do you suggest families choose a funeral provider?
I think one of the most important things is feeling like you can trust the funeral home with your person. So in that vain, honesty and transparency are paramount. If it’s afforded to you, spend time speaking to a couple of funeral providers. You will soon have a pretty strong gut feeling of who and what feels right for you and your family.
What’s the most impactful end of life experience that you have ever been a part of?
Certainly the most impactful and enduring end of life experience I’ve ever been part of is that of my Mum’s. There was a sacredness in being there for her when she was dying and we were saying our final goodbye. The love that was all around us and her cannot be summed up in any words, only felt deep within. Experiencing that there is an ending, that life is finite and death is a part of it was very humbling.
What’s important in terms of your own funeral?
At my own funeral, the most important thing would be for my family, especially my beautiful children, to be able to express whatever it is that comes up for them and honour me the way they need to.
I will of course leave some hints and tips (ie Arthouse Cinema, unlimited drinks and lemon tart ha ha!) so they have a road-map and can feel like they are doing what meant something to me. I have often witnessed how special and healing the knowledge of this can be for those left behind.
