How to Write a Eulogy (ith an easy template)

A eulogy is a speech that honors someone who has died. It is usually read at a funeral or memorial and lasts somewhere between three and five minutes. The most effective way to write one is to begin by gathering memories using a set of guided questions, and to let the writing flow from there.

What is a eulogy?

Like a lot of the language around funerals, the word “eulogy” can feel a bit nebulous. We prefer to keep things simple: a eulogy, in the most literal sense, is a speech or piece of writing that praises someone highly, especially a tribute to someone who has just died.

That’s why, at Tomorrow Funerals, we prefer the term “Life Story.”

A well-told story has ups and downs, laughter as well as tears. It doesn’t need to be a formal recitation of facts and dates. Indeed, it can be funny, messy, tender, and true, all at once. That’s what makes a eulogy memorable: not perfect prose, but a real person’s essence coming through in the words.

(If you’d like a low-pressure way to start collecting memories together as a family, we’ve also created a card game designed to get people sharing stories.)

How to write a eulogy in 6 steps

If you’re staring at a blank page, here’s the shape the process usually takes:

1. Gather memories first. Use the guided questions below on your own, or with family and friends before you start writing in earnest.
2. Choose two or three stories. You’ll gather more material than you can use. Pick the two or three moments that best capture who this person was.
3. Start to envision a defined beginning, middle and end. A eulogy is a story, not a list. Give it a simple arc: who they were, what they were like, how they’ll be remembered.
4. Write like you speak. This isn’t a formal essay. Imagine how it will sound as you go and if it comes across stiff, loosen it up. 
5. Read it aloud and trim it. Time yourself. Aim for three to five minutes, and cut anything that isn’t doing real work.
6. Have a backup person ready. Grief can catch you off guard mid-sentence. It’s completely normal to ask someone to step in and finish reading if you need them to.

The eulogy template: questions to unlock the story

Below is a full set of questions to help you collate memories, stories and the general raw material for your eulogy. You don’t need to answer every question. Just work through the sections and answer the ones that resonate; you might only need two or three from each to find your way in.

A simple way to use it:

• Copy the questions into a fresh document.
• Wherever you see NAME, insert the name of the person you’re writing about.
• Answer only what stands out and feels easy to write.
• Once you’ve gone through each section, you’ll have enough material to start shaping paragraphs, and eventually, the whole story.

The beginning: setting up the story

Setting the scene well matters. You might start with their early years and family situation, describe what life was like back then, or open with a favorite saying or joke that sums them up, starting with a bang.

1. NAME was born on… in (suburb / town, country).
2. NAME’s parents’ names (if you’d like these included).
3. Can you describe the family NAME was born into? (For example: “Josephine was the youngest of three siblings. Her older brothers were Peter and Joseph, not to forget their much-loved family dog, Bob.”)
4. NAME went to school at, studied at, or learned the ropes of their trade with… (briefly describe their education).
5. Is there a family home that’s well remembered? Explain.
6. In a few sentences, can you describe the area or era NAME was brought up in? (For example: “Jimmy grew up in Greece after World War II. His family were very poor but felt fortunate to arrive in Melbourne as immigrants in the 1950s. Jimmy was 10 when they arrived, and quickly learned English and made friends at school.”)
7. What are some notable things that changed over the course of their lifetime?
8. Are there any stories or memories about NAME’s early years that come to mind?
9. Are there any characters, friends or teachers from NAME’s early years who were memorable or inspiring?

The middle: bringing them to life

A brilliant eulogy doesn’t just recite the facts of where a person was born and what they did for a living. It brings them to life in the listener’s imagination, reminding people of their good traits, and possibly getting them laughing at some of the most annoying or funny ones too.

It helps to think in terms of a few significant stories. What unusual things happened that sum up their lives? What enduring qualities and strengths can you build a picture from?

Family and close friends

1. Briefly describe NAME’s family circumstances.
2. If NAME had children, what are (or were) their names?
3. If NAME had grandchildren, what are (or were) their names?
4. Who were the people closest to NAME who should be mentioned? (Partner, children, their partners, grandchildren, pets, friends?)
5. Describe NAME’s most important family relationships.
6. Describe NAME’s most important friendships.
7. What words would you use to describe NAME as a family member?
8. Are there important friends who should be mentioned in detail?
9. Are there any other memories or stories about NAME’s family and friends you’d like to share?

Main relationships

1. NAME’s partner’s name (if they had one). Can you describe how and when they met?
2. Are there any memories of special days, like a wedding?
3. How would you describe their relationship?
4. What did they love doing together?
5. Are there any other anecdotes or stories about their relationship you could share?
6. Are there any (funny, sweet) things they find annoying about each other, or argued about? A humorous angle often works well here.

NAME’s character

1. What three to five words best describe NAME?
2. How would you describe NAME’s personality?
3. What were NAME’s greatest strengths, and weaknesses, if you’d like to share any?
4. What talents did NAME have?
5. What was NAME passionate about?
6. In what ways does NAME drive you crazy? (Usually a funny or well-known trait: always late, last to leave a party, the worst cook!)

NAME’s work life

1. If NAME had an occupation, what was it, and can you describe it?
2. What personality traits made them good at what they did?
3. Are there any anecdotes or stories about their work life you could share?
4. Are there any work-related achievements you’d like to include?

Later years

1. Where had NAME been living until recently?
2. What activities did they enjoy as they got older?
3. What relationships became most important as NAME got older?
4. How did they change? What lessons were learned or taught?

Other things about NAME

1. Describe NAME’s hobbies or interests.
2. Did NAME follow a sports team?
3. What were some of NAME’s strongest likes or dislikes?
4. What were NAME’s good and bad habits?
5. What was NAME known for?
6. Did NAME have a favorite book, TV show, movie or other?
7. Are there any special trips or holidays worth mentioning?
8. Did NAME have a favorite joke or saying?
9. What was NAME most proud of?
10. How would you describe NAME’s personal style and appearance?
11. What was NAME’s favorite food or drink? Why?

The end: how to close a eulogy

Finally, think about how you want to sum things up. A good conclusion might end with a quote that captures their life, or their own way of saying farewell. Some people also choose to open the conclusion with the circumstances of the person’s death. That’s entirely up to you and the family.

1. What will you most miss about NAME?
2. How will NAME be remembered?
3. What are you most proud of, regarding NAME?
4. What lessons have you learned from them?
5. What family traits do you hope will be passed down from NAME, and to whom?
6. Would you like to share information about how they died?

How to start a eulogy: opening line ideas

The first line of a eulogy (and really most speeches) are highly important, and perhaps the hardest to write. Below are a few prompts to get you thinking about what it may look like.

• A favorite saying. “Mum always told me that ‘When the going gets tough, the tough get going!’ So in that spirit, I will try to stay strong for her today.”
• A defining trait. “If you knew Dad for five minutes, you knew two things: he loved a bargain, and he’d tell you about it.”
• A small, specific story. “My childhood introduction to grandpa was seeing him up a ladder, fixing a gutter he had no business fixing at 68.”
• A simple introduction of who you are to them. “I’m Sarah, Tom’s youngest daughter, and I’ve been trying to write this for a week.”
• A shared memory addressed to the room. “Most of you here have a story about the time Pete tried to cook a roast for twenty people. This is mine.”
• An honest admission. “I don’t really know how to sum up seventy years in five minutes, so I’m not going to try. I’m just going to tell you about the Nan I knew.”

How long should a eulogy be?

Most eulogies run three to five minutes when read aloud, which works out roughly to 500-800 words. That’s usually long enough to tell a real story without losing the room, but you may choose to go longer if, for example, you are the only one speaking. You may also choose to write less to give yourself time to deliver it in emotional circumstances.

At a traditional service, there can be a strict time limit to work around. At a more relaxed, memorial-style service, there’s no chapel clock ticking, so you might wish to opt for a handful of shorter tributes from different people rather than one long eulogy. 

Writing your own eulogy or life story

Some people choose to write their own eulogy, or life story, in advance. This is done as a gift to family, a record of their history, or simply because they’re planning ahead. If you are in this situation, the same question kit above works just as well in the first person: just swap all instances of NAME with ‘I’. 

You don’t need to write a full speech. Many people simply answer the questions and leave them for family, who are often more interested in the details of a life than you might expect. It’s a quieter way of saying ‘this is who I was,’ in your own words. 

If you’re thinking about this kind of planning more broadly, you can read about how to pre-plan your funeral here.

Frequently asked questions

What are the three main parts of a eulogy? 

Most eulogies follow a simple structure: a beginning that sets the scene (who they were, where they came from), a middle that brings them to life through stories and character, and an end that reflects on how they’ll be remembered.

What should you not put in a eulogy? 

Avoid anything that could embarrass or upset close family: old grievances, private disputes, or details someone hasn’t agreed to share. It’s also worth going easy on inside jokes that only a handful of people in the room will understand.

Who usually gives the eulogy? 

Traditionally it’s a close family member (a partner, child, or sibling), though close friends often speak too. At many services, more than one person shares a shorter tribute rather than one person carrying the whole thing.

Can a celebrant deliver it for you? 

Yes. If writing or delivering a eulogy feels like too much on the day, an experienced celebrant can write and/or deliver it for you, much like at a wedding. 

At Tomorrow Funerals, we work with celebrants who write for a living and can help turn your memories into a truly memorable life story. Reach out to us at any time to talk it through.