Whether an expected or sudden death, the loss of a loved person can be an incredibly difficult time in anyone’s life.
Grief is a deeply personal journey, and when someone close to us is going through it, it’s natural to feel uncertain about how best to offer support.
At Tomorrow Funerals, we believe that compassionate presence and understanding can make a significant difference. Here are some ideas to help you engage meaningfully with a friend during their time of profound loss.
There is no rule book
When someone dies, those left grieving do not get sent a book outlining all of the acceptable phrases people should (or should not) say to them. In fact, our clients sometimes say that they’re just confused by platitudes such as “Sorry for your loss.”
Let’s face it, it’s not a great conversation starter.
The equally unhelpful, “There are no words…” really just states the obvious fact that death is a taboo in our culture. It shows that most of us are simply not willing or prepared to talk about it.
We understand. It’s scary. But if you really want to make a difference and be supportive, it might be a good idea to think about ways that we can talk about death. The following phrases might be a good place to start:
“I have no idea how difficult this is for you, but I’m here for you whenever you need to talk, or if you need help in other ways.”
“My favourite memory of (name) was that time when…”
“I honestly, don’t know how to talk to you about this, so if I say the wrong thing, will you let me know?”
“This must be so terrible. Are you ready to tell me what this feels like?”
Listen More Than You Speak
Allow your friend to express their feelings without interruption or judgment. Active listening involves giving them space to share memories, fears, and emotions.
Avoid offering unsolicited advice; instead, validate their experiences and emotions.
Be Present Without Needing to Fix Anything
Often, the most meaningful support comes from simply being there. You don’t even need to have the right words or solutions; your presence alone can be comforting.
Suggest a walk, or offer to come over and cook together or even start a TV night. A supportive and caring presence can be a great comfort.
Offer Genuine Support
Grief can be overwhelming, making everyday tasks daunting. Offering specific assistance, like preparing meals, running errands, or helping with household chores can alleviate some of the burdens they are facing.
Vague offers of “Call if you need anything,” however genuinely offered, are much less helpful compared to:
“I’m going shopping, please send me a list of things you need.”
OR “I wan’t to start a weekly walking morning – just you and me. Which day suits you?”
Respect Their Grieving Process
Everyone grieves differently. Some may seek solitude, while others need company. It’s essential to respect their individual process and offer support that aligns with their needs and preferences.
Professional support
If your friend seems overwhelmed or unable to cope, you could gently suggest seeking support from a grief counselor or support group. Professional guidance can provide them with tools to navigate their grief journey.
Further Reading and Resources
Dealing with Sudden and Unexpected Deaths – Finding Support During a Challenging Time
Coping with Grief After Stillbirth or Neonatal Death – Angel Babies
Coping with Grief and Loss in NSW – 10 Local Resources to Help
Support for Grieving in Victoria
Continue Your Support Over Time
Grief doesn’t have a set timeline. While initial support is crucial, continued check-ins in the weeks and months following the loss show your ongoing care and commitment.
Final Thoughts
Supporting a grieving friend is about offering a compassionate presence, listening without judgment, and providing practical help.
Your empathy and patience can make such a difference. It’s rewarding knowing you’re helping, even if at times, it feels like it’s taking a long time. And best of all, going through a loss with a friend, is likely to deepen your friendship.
If you or someone you know needs additional support, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us at Tomorrow Funerals. We’re here to help you navigate the journey of grief with understanding and care.